no thumb

i can't believe how sad it makes me that riley is no longer sucking her thumb. it didn't happen willingly, however. last week her thumb was swollen, blotchy, pink, purple, and scaley. i thought she got bit by something outside or picked a nasty weed or something so mike took her to the doctor's. immediately upon seeing her thumb he said it was an allergic reaction to sucking it. what?! seriously. the first day went okay until it was time to nap and go to bed at night. it is a HUGE comfort for her to suck. it calms her down and soothes her to sleep. i have always loved the fact that she sucked her thumb and never had a pacifier. it's so sweet. the next day or two she started sleeping without sucking and doing fine. i was so happy. she did seem much crankier and whiney and super restless when it came time to go to sleep, though that is getting better.

so great she's not sucking her thumb anymore, right? not really. i'm sitting here crying about it. all those relaxing moments we had together where she would suck her thumb and rub my arm and little scab or patch of dry skin or mole are gone. she hasn't once said "Arm!" or "Mole" when i'm putting her to sleep. it was such a sweet moment we would share that was quiet and i felt so loved and so maternal just being by her side and letting her rub my skin. but now she has no desire. it sounds really selfish but i almost want her to suck it again just to be able to lay next her like that. unfortunately, it's another phase that is over and a sign that she's getting older.

i'm sure there will be something else, a new thing, but for now while i wait to see what that new thing is i'm devastated.